Tumblers League Table

Falls Tumbler Where & How
6 Miss Scarlett Edge Stopham Park An ‘Alice in Wonderland' moment (yes, another) when Harry fell down a hole and out the other side…

Boxing Day Fell off and out of the saddle jumping a log (Scarlett, not the saddle, was in the act of jumping the log. Well, if you think about it, maybe it WAS just the saddle that jumped the log)

Flexham Agent TraumaNurse: “After we had stopped to help India [see below — Ed], we were trying to find the field and we were walking across a very steep slope. Scarletts’ pony tripped and head-planted, this caused Scarlett to somersault down the neck, turn sideways and end up in the mud in a laid down sitting position with her legs over a log. She was completely unable to get up, a bit like a turtle on its back and had to be rescued by Martha who also nearly fell over dragging her to her feet” [You couldn't make it up! — Ed]

Charlton Forest Agent TraumaNurse: “There always seems to be another animal involved in the Edge falls this season. Hound runs in front of pony, pony somersaults over hound, hound runs off, child falls off. Nose not broken. Phew” [Phew, indeed - Ed]

Pallingham A fittingly bizarre debut for the sesaon. Agent TraumaCorner: “Pony terrified by truly crazy rabbit. To be fair the rabbit — Shall we call him Peter? [Let's not — Ed] — had been smacked in the head by Jo Burdett's horse so was a little bit dazed and so whilst squealing and running around in circles managed to spook her pony into depositing her in the field. Fast action from Martha who dismounted, caught pony and legged Scarlett up minimised too much disruption. Scarlett was unharmed by this incident and carried on to eat countless midget gems. You couldn't make it up. Peter, I mean ‘the rabbit’was unharmed too. Mostly.”

Barlavington (see under EDGE, Emily)

4 Miss Emily Edge Uppark Somehow. Again.

Littleton Farm Oh and last Saturday at Littleton…" remembers Agent TraumaNurse only a week late, “Emily Edge. Pony went one way, she went the other. Plop. Love being out again.” [And we love having you back - Ed]

Iping We'll keep it brief: Pony + mud + child + tumble = muddy child.

Barlavington…. and then they do it again moments later. Miss Emily Edge was the next, on the second trip round the lake her pony spooked at the rushes and Emily was deposited in the freezing lake. This led to...Scarlett Edge’s pony also spooking at the splash and dumping Scarlett in the rushes (Like the baby Moses). And....Mrs Edge in her rush to save her little chicklets dismounts ... and also comes a cropper. [I cant even do the maths. Can we remortgage the Edge family home? Might be easier? - Ed]

2= Mr Mark Teear Goodwood Carnage A race up the hill ended in a collison with a tree. And a dislocated shoulder. And concussion. Ouch. And ouch again.

Hope Farm “Oh, Foggy went a-courtin, he did go, crambo! Foggy went a-courtin' dee-saster, crambo! Foggy fell down a great big hole, crambo! Foggy wasn’t the same for several minutes, crambo! [How could you tell? — Ed] [Sorry, how could you tell, crambo? — Ed]

2= Dr William Sirett

Stag Park Overheard in the field: “Master?” “Yes? Speak up child” “Do you know what Will is a doctor of?" “Um. No. Not really. I think it's astronomy or soil science or brain surgery..." “I know" “You do? Go on then?" “He's a doctor of falling off in a field for no apparent reason whatsoever” “Ah, thank you. That makes complete sense. Run along now”

Whithurst Always nice to welcome a plucky newcomer, so we will be kind. Just this once. Blame fully attributed to the tiger trap which caused Mr Sirett to be forcibly ejected from the saddle, not rider error. In the slightest. Certainly not. Not one bit. I mean, it would be absolutely wrong to even think the words “rider" and “error” [Other descriptions are available - Ed]

2= Mr David Hayes

Stag Park Could this be David ‘I’m-going-on-a skiing-holiday-tomorrow-if-I-jump-and-fall-off-my-wife-will-kill-me-so-I won’t-be-jumping-today’ Hayes? Yes it surely could

Pallingham Carnage Reports of a ‘near-death experience' as Saskia Rogerson, a Kemp-Welsh child and another nearly landed on top of him. [What a way to go — Ed]

2= Wendy Pallingham Carnage AgentTraumaNurse (on her feet) ‘jumped the tiger trap well but got smacked in the chest by a tree and ended up on the floor’

Goodwood Carnage Day Nasty fall after second jump, but kept her aplomb beautifully.

2= Tim Mardles Malham An interested onlooker writes: “Mr Mardles was foot following and taken out by a small pony. I thought he was having a nap in the hedgerow but on closer inspection it turns out that he had been kicked on his gammy knee by the passing pony. He quickly recovered and was taken back to boxes where his ever-loving wife scolded him and made him a cup of tea… Not sure if this counts but…” [Oh, it does. It does. - Ed]

Madams Farm Two words: ‘patella’ and ‘ouch’

2= Ms Kate Parker Opening Meet Agent TepidSausages reports in: ‘Kate Parker was dumped twice before getting to the meet and had to change horses.’ [This field agent is refreshingly to the point. Almost callously. Which we like. A lot - Ed]

2= Miss India Myres Flexham “The non jumping field were advised to "hold back" but Pixie (the pony) had other ideas", says our undercover field agent [thanks, Naomi — Ed] and somehow India ended up in a heap at the foot of a tree. I didn't actually see the fall I just heard her head hitting the trunk. Fortunately she was just a bit dazed and remounted [plucky!— Ed]

Cowdray House ‘India fell off again,' says Agent TraumaSausage, ‘on slippery ground and no trees jumped out. I suppose technically it was her pony that fell but India was the one who got really muddy.’ [It's a fiver. Technically - Ed]

2= Miss Daisy Edge Hope Farm Massive hole, pony disappears, Daisy dismounts at speed into mud. There is a small, almost imdistinct, possibility that mummy Edge wasn't concentrating...again

Malham Our field agent reports in: “Poor parenting was clearly a factor in this tumble. I was at the far end of the line up and was made aware that a very small Shetland was riderless and cantering through the field terrorising the hunters. It turns out that Mrs Edge had let go of her charge for a moment to help the hounds, completely forgetting that Daisy was without stirrups or reins so when the pony moved one way, Daisy fell the other. It was a soft if slightly muddy landing. [I think we mean “An unexpected loss of concentration from Mrs Edge, who clearly has much on her mind. Or not enough” - Ed].

2= Mrs Zoe Edge Whithurst Well....was it déjà-vu or ‘Groundhog Day’ or that film with Gwyneth Paltrow where the same day happened twice? Mrs Edge on the floor and another gap where hitherto a fence had stood proud. For the SECOND TIME IN ONE DAY! Yours Agent Slowe-Worm

2= Miss Jo Burdett Arundel Park Agent TraumaNurse is back and on form: “Jo continues a last minute quest for the ‘Empty Stirrup’ trophy by attempting to jump a hay-manger but like the baby Jesus… ends up in it.” [Something there to offend everyone. Excellent news — Ed]

Woodlands Junior Agent HalfWit reports back: ‘Someone cut up someone else and then someone fell off'. Good work, Agent HalfWit, good work. Luckily there are photos [And pitiless they are too — Ed]
1= Mr Robin Muir M.F.H.

Pheasant Copse Absolutely. Nothing. To. See. Here. At. All. Understand?

1= Mr Simon Cross Stag Park Simon Cross? Yes, he was. Very

1= Sam Madge

Stag Park Anyone remember the old Pilot song from 1974? I do. “Oh, oh, oh! It's Madge-ic / You knoooow / Never believe it's not so / It's tradge-ic! / You knoooow" [Enough. Thank you. I think we get it. You can go now — Ed]

1= Capt Paddy Walker (retd.) Uppark AgentTraumaNurse reports in: “Horse and rider jumped the log. Unfortunately they somehow parted company. Paddy took it like the man he is and jumped to his feet with a loud ‘Ta-Da’" [Oh, he would, wouldn't he? — Ed]. Meanwhile AgentSloweWorm (his wife) calls it in a Harry Potter stylee: “Humiliation of Pads at the Log of Doom”

1= Ms Rhiannon Petrie Uppark A visitor big enough to admit it. Though you'd have to be lobotomised to have missed it. Agent TarumaNurse reprts a magnanimous response: “She completely blames herself for the fall over the tiger trap." A vistor who is welcome back.

1= Keira (Lady friend of Master Charles’s) Uppark Another visitor big enough to admit it. She fell off over the second tiger trap. Charles rode to the rescue like Sir Galahad [well, as close as we can get — Ed].

1= MissRule Arundel Park Amy Rule, not to be outdone by her friend Jo Burdett, trashes through the jump breaking it into thin slivers of matchwood and leaving us with a lucky back shoe. “This has nothing to do,” says Agent TraumaNurse, “with the horse being called Muppet”

1= Ms Tania Slowe Arundel Park “No-one really sure what happened but I'm hoping it was in Slowe motion…", explains Agent TraumaNurse

1= Miss Louise Evans HH Away-Day “After 8 seasons today I finally had a tumble out hunting; on an away day no less! Whilst avoiding a small child that had planted in front of a jump, Dita managed to trip over a mud mound and fell over, with me under her side. All dusted off and carried on jumping but a tumble nonetheless” [Indeed. And dubble-bubble - Ed] ‘NOTE: NO CHILDREN WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS INCIDENT', adds Louise. [How heartwarming - Ed]
1= Mr Neil Meadows Southwick On a cold Burns Night, good to find something to warm thae cockles, no? Aye! Oor Wullie falls off his bucket on an ‘Away Day’. That's double-bubble. Jings! Crivens! An’ help ma boab! That's gonnae hurt some!

1= Mrs Patricia Morley Hallgate “By all accounts it was a spectacular and acrobatic flight with many sound effects”, says our woman on the ground. “Mally bucked going downhill and Trish was forcibly ejected….”

1= Mr John Gough Unusually a report from the malfeasor. Straight from the horses's mouth as it were: ‘Losing control, our hero, fell and crashed onto terra firma, thus holding up all and sundry around him. Like a beached-walrus writhing on the ground, our unfortunate equestrian seemed rather put-out. However in an instant the cavalry arrived, executed a text-book dismount and proceeded to administer pony club first aid. With solicitous care the victim was examined and then questioned, only after wrongly answering the question; ‘Who is the prime minister?', and then trying to mount the cavalry man's horse, was he allowed to continue. Such is the care provided to subscribers of the Chid and Lec, that famous and wonderful band of country folk. Two of the finest male equestrians carried on to enjoy a full days hunting, setting such a fine example in their modest way’ [Thank you. Crystal clear — Ed]

1= Mrs Clare Kemp-Welch Pallingham Carnage Something to do with a ditch in the wrong place [That's right, blame the ditch. What's it ever done to you? Oh yes, I see — Ed]

1= Mr Rupert Uloth Fitzhall A late entry as this was kept entirely off grid. Very expertly. But we always find out…We always find out…

1= Mrs Rachel Stanley Pallingham Carnage AgentTraumaNurse (getting into her stride here) ‘horse spooked at hound, she fell off and got trodden on and kicked right in her “lady bits” I sent her to hospital with Rob Wilkins. She’ll be OK but I think she might be needing a cushion for a few weeks’ [There are two words in this report I never thought I would write — Ed]

1= Miss Nonie Uloth Pallingham Carnage Well, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without a Uloth tumbler. Some you win, as the saying goes, some Uloth

Barlavington (see under EDGE, Emily)
1= Miss Marnie Ansell Goodwood Carnage Day Nasty fall after first jump. One bystander was moved to say: ‘She’s got a nasty black eye and I’ve had worse after Botox so it’s not the end of world, but as she explained: her face means a lot to her.. Anyway, all were sweet and kind and helpful to her.’

1= Ms Henrietta Smythe Goodwood Carnage Day Not entirely sure what happened as all jumps succesfully negotiated, but slight case of a banged head and an early return to the boxes

1= Miss Tiva Kent Fitzhall Apparently, ‘Tiva' is Native American for ‘She knows'. Wonder what Native American is for ‘Clearly she didn’t’?

1= Ahmed Al Abidi Goodwood Carnage Jumped up and down on the spot (the horse not Ahmed)

1= Master Gus Gray? Coombelands We're unsure of the name, but we are of the mishap: ‘fell off when his pony decided to shoot off in the opposite direction depositing said child on the ground just after leaving the meet as they approached the gallops...' This from AgentTraumaNurse who WASN’T EVEN THERE BECAUSE...

1= AgentTraumaNurse Fitzhall ... I forgot to limber up before mounting, almost unbelievable as you all know I’m an elite athlete. Bob just jigged before the log throwing me forward, I felt and heard ripping. I actually hoped it was my Jodphurs but it turns out I have torn my proximal hamstring (this is the muscle in my right butt cheek!). Mrs Edge laughed at me when I rode up to her unable to sit on my ample posterior and when I announced that it really hurt and I needed a “butt sling” she almost fell off. Leo Allingham, Colleen Homan and Kevin Urwin came to my rescue. I’ve had my rear looked at by an osteopath friend who has prescribed ice, painkillers and not hunting till after boxing day. The only time I get to sit down is in the car so I’m sitting on a bag of frozen mixed veg. The girls think it’s hilarious. Let me be clear... I did NOT fall off!! [Loud and clear, loud and clear! — Ed]

1= Mrs Deborah Boulton Fitzhall Off over a tricky ditch. Most unusual. Has never appeared on this list before. needs Boulton into her saddle from now on

1= Miss Jo Chase Whithurst Rolling around on the ground thanks to Whisky. [Happens on a daily basis, we gather — Ed]

1= Miss Sarah Dixon Opening Meet Hedge -vs- Horse. The hedge won. The hedge always wins. It's a hard lesson.

1= Mr Philip Breitschadel SU Opening Meet Made the error of bragging about a mishap at the SU Opening Meet [SU? SU? Do we know what exactly that is? — Ed] Without realising it's ‘double bubble' for a verifiable fall abroad. And very verifiable it was, thanks to Agent TwoFlasks (Miss Jo Burdett)

1= Mr Richard Stubbs Opening Meet How entirely fitting. The man in charge of our money must part with more of his own. Some mitigating circumstances were recounted at the time, leg mentioend, pole mentioned, but, frankly, it was all lost on the wind... [And the sound of the cash register. Ker-ching! — Ed]

1= Miss Charlotte Bolton Minepits Agent TraumaCorner reports: ‘I was right behind her, she was riding my pony. The ditch dragon caught the front legs causing an equine headplant and a human somersault. Was it funny? Possibly. Did she get covered in mud? Yes. My diagnosis was to offer chocolate, it worked. I was going to offer some cherry brandy but I'd drunk it all. [Fancy! -- Ed]

1= Mr Kevin Urwin Stansted Stalwart at the Harry Dzenis yard. Come on, it’s not Badminton! Surely you can last longer than 15 mins…?

1= Mr Calvin Something from Somewhere Opening Meet Don’t know who he is, where’s he from or indeed anything to be honest. But he's welcome back anytime. Horse slipped between the double of tiger traps and he made an unexpected dismount. Spectacular. Agent TepidSausages explains “His name could have been ‘Calvin’. I must have asked him about 6 times. I think he thought I was hitting on him.” Our own very own Mata Hari [Note to self: Check to see if Mata Hari used warm sausages as an inducement — Ed]

1= Mr Anthony Lorenz Hope Farm Two field agents report. Yes, it was that good. “No need for any fancy descriptions from me of his frankly hilarious forced dismount…" and “I knew something was up when he left the meet on two hooves. It culminated in Tony being slammed at speed into the stubble by, as it happens, his horse aptly and descriptively called ‘Slam’”

1= Mr Paul Hardy Barlavington How the Tumble Gods amuse themselves at our expense. We are merely their toys. Sometimes they just pull one out of the hat for no reason other than it's a dull Saturday on Mount Olympus. So according to our own Venus de Milo (with both arms intact), agent TraumaNurse recounts: “Traversing the narrow path around the lake, his horse moved its quarters out, lost its footing and fell into the lake tumbling over Paul and submerging them both. Mrs Sirett who was right behind was heard screeching hysterically in the next county as she feared the worst [ You mean she was pleased?? - Ed], but Paul was hauled out by heroic Master Charles…”

1= Dr William Sirett Whithurst Always nice to welcome a plucky newcomer, so we will be kind. Just this once. Blame fully attributed to the tiger trap which caused Mr Sirett to be forcibly ejected from the saddle, not rider error. In the slightest. Certainly not. Not one bit. I mean, it would be absolutely wrong to even think the words “rider" and “error” [Other descriptions are available - Ed]