Tumblers League Table

Falls Tumbler Where & How
5= Mr John Gough Malham: It just seems so unfair... but... and yet...This year's favourite got off to dismantle a rail, but was booted off on the remount. Dismantled himself, one might say

Verdley: On the basis that — and this is enshrined in law — ‘no-one falls off at Verdley’, this, to be fair, was an anomaly. Three unusual ditches in quick succession. The first two taken beautifully. The third… Oh, the third..

Pallingham: Quite the most extraordinary escapade since the glory days of Philly Fall-Off. A straightforward ‘over-the-top’ but complete with full bridle. and standing up. I mean, it fully deserved a round of applause.

Stansted: Making a subtle and surreptious bid for the top with aneat topple over one of the Stansted rails. In the words of one bystander: “Do you think Tate does it for his own personal amusement?”

Pallingham: An onlooker writes: “Tate stopped at a jump but John stayed on, went to circle away and Tate went down to eat the grass and he fell off over his head 😂 ‘rather like a child’ in John’s own words LOL” Welcome back, old friend. LOL

4= Mr Neil Meadows Malham: Hi-Ho Silver! Away! (Twice).

Stag Park: Creature from the Pit of Slime [No, not Glasgow, see below -- Ed].

Holland Wood: Agent SloweWorm reports: “In an attempt to assist him with a late-season bid for the top spot, Neil's loan horse heroically threw itself to the ground in Holland Wood, inadvertently trapping its rider's leg underneath it and more devastatingly smashing his saddle flask in the process. Agent Langdon (codename: OldTimer) sagely observed (as is his wont) that he could ‘see that one coming and that it was sheer madness to dash about like lunatics in mud like this..’”

4= Miss Lauren Wilkins Opening Meet Rocketing into the lead with two tumbles. Firstly, on the way to the meet (yes, it counts) when pony spooked at drain, and, secondly at a ditch in some unspecified part of the Park but luckily in full view of her ‘handler’ [A difficult job. Not for the faint-hearted -- Ed]

Lee Place Agent TraumaNurse and Agent MinorTrauma report: ”Lauren Wilkins jumped the tiger-trap beautifully, and carried straight on, her pony however turned left following the field and Lauren landed safely in a nest of bracken, her second fall also involved a tiger trap. According to Saskia "Lauren ended up on the ponies neck, the pony swerved and Lauren hit the deck" Brutally put.

4= Miss Emily Edge Hill Ash Farm: Agent TraumaNurse reports in, a little exhaustedly: “It's taken me this long to get over the champagne and dancing at what was a flippin' amazing Ball. I now feel able to grass up Miss Edge. We left the meet early, and were waiting for the Edge Girls on a field corner with the delightful Master Julian, as they came into sight, trotting up the road Emily's pony tripped. Emily rolled down the neck of her pony and ended up in the road, fortunately the car following managed to avoid squishing her.” [Now that IS a relief! -- Ed]

Cowdray House: Making a bid for the top spot. Agent MarthaDaughhterofTraumaNurse: “I have no idea how she fell, but I looked round and she was off.” Some controversy here. AgentSloweWorm: “Twice whilst at a standstill. Although one of the times she claims Saskia pushed her…”

Flexham: “... Miss Emily Edge demonstrating, firstly, how to pick something off the ground; secondly, how to get back in the saddle. What she actually demonstrated was...firstly, how to attempt to pick something off the ground and fail. Oops!, thankfully a ploughed field is soft.”

3= Miss Scarlett Edge Beal House Farm: AgentTraumaNurse is on the case: ‘We were all cantering along a track when Scarlett's pony spooked at a roll of wire and deposited Scarlett on the grass. Martha jumped off, caught loose pony and returned to owner. [young people be cognisant of this selfless act -- Ed] My highlight was hearing Scarlett's mother utter the words only a caring hunting mother can understand: "Darling, that's another £5 we owe!” [We heartily applaud this far-seeeing approach to financial planning -- Ed]

Cowdray: AgentTraumaNurse: ‘Miss Scarlett Edge, got unseated on some uneven ground on the water meadows, clung on for a short while then dropped off underneath Deborah Bolton’s horse. I'm not sure who was more distressed, possibly Deborah. It sounded far worse than it was. We removed the chocolate from her mouth (possibly the most distressing moment for Scarlett) then realised all was well and continued on…’

Flexham: “I think," says our nameless correspondent, “that the Edges have their eye on the tumblers trophy again this season, but crime doesn't pay" [Yes it does -- Ed] “Scarlett attempted a sweet stealing manoeuvre which ended sadly in the jockey on the floor and the sweet still in play”. Thanks Naomi. Closely followed by …

3= Mr Tom Lane Boxing Day: ‘Jo, did Tom fall off?’ ‘Yes, he most certainly did!’ ‘Thank you'. [Treachery, disloyalty, hubris. That's what friends are for -- Ed].

Opening Meet Agent TraumaNurse checks in: “He fell twice, according to Saskia [Is she a reliable witness? Are we sure she has no other agenda? Am sceptical -- Ed] he got in front of his horse at the second hedge resulting in him landing first. The second was in the middle of a double, again accordingly to Sas [As before -- Ed] he was ‘on for the first jump but not the second”

2= Miss Jo Chase

Toby Stone: Weird. Just weird. A roll maybe?

Goodwood: Strictly speaking, this shouldn't count but a new change of rules came, “The Call of Nature Amendment” just in time for the tail end of the season. AgentTraumaNurse's account is indelicate, but we must face the bare facts: ‘Jo had clearly enjoyed the hospitality at the Goodwood meet, so much so that not long after we departed the meet the Call of Nature called. Jo carefully hid behind a few trees; we did try and get her attention to tell her that she was in full view of us but she couldn't hear. She assumed the position and then slowly, like a tree being felled, she face-planted in the leaves. It's a good job she had a hard hat on ‘cos she didn't manage to get her hands out. It would have been really funny if...Nah, it was just absolutely hilarious’

2= Mr George Grammer

The Toby Stone: Co-meet host and co-Chiarman confesses in anticipation of leniency. We'll see. Let him unburden himself: “I feel I should own up to a tumble later in the day, after I had left the hunting field. Phil and I were back at my yard, hosing down my mare when she planted a hoof on my foot. That was bad enough but when I tried to move her off she swung round into me and sent me flying. I landed flat on my back on the concrete in the middle of a large muddy puddle!!As I regained my feet, Phil looked at his watch and said, "that should be recorded, you must own up as it is only 15.30 and they will still be hunting!"

Pallingham: Tumblers respects neither seniority nor position. Truly democratic. [Don't worry about the ‘Chairman’ bit. We've got another one that works - Ed]
2= Mrs Sarah Wilcox Goodwood: Nothing gets past Agent TraumaNurse: “The rails claimed their 3rd and last victim at the end of the day when Sarah merrily popped them, except didn't quite, and was forcibly ejected on to the ground. No real harm, just bruised ego, fat lip, and a dry cleaning bill..” [She's good; up her payments again — Ed] Update: in the victim's own words: "That Sarah on her enormous horse decided to follow the field master and meet host over a horrid upright on the way home......what on earth was she thinking, stupid woman"...anyway the inevitable happened....splat!!!! I owe you another fiver!!” [Yes -- Ed]

Fitzhall: Agent SloweWorm reports back from a surprsisingly busy day: ‘An incident at the second part of the odd double that sensible people didn't bother with. I was there for that one too. Harbinger of doom, me... [She's good; up her payments -- Ed]

2= Mr Harry Walker Lordings: Cocky. Too cocky. Really too cocky.

Cowdray House: We need say nothing other than it counts. It SO counts (despite Rachael saying it's not your fault). Look, it's character-building in your first season as an adult, I mean, adult subscriber

2= Miss Matilda Parker Fitzhall: Agent SloweWorm: ‘Fell right in my path after valiant attempt at log pile. No glue on her jodhpurs sadly…'

Flexham: The pony decided to overtake most of the field, swerved to go through a gateway and deposited Matilda. There was a bit of being dragged, a kick to the body protector and loss of hat silk. All ended well though. [What ends well for an A+E Specialist nurse is often different for us mortals -- Ed]

2= Capt. Rupert Uloth (rtd.) Mockbeggars: Uwin some, Uloth some. Today Uloth.

Shalden: Almost at a standstill. Double for an away-day then multiplied by three for the insult brought to the Charlton collar (2 x £5) x 3. [Thanks AgentSloweWalkerMininmus for the formula -- Ed.]

1= Capt. Paddy Walker (rtd.) Shalden: See above. Plus an extra £5 for falling off in your own field. [Complicated maths -- Ed]

1= Capt Simon Stillwell (rtd.) Lordings: Some cockananny story about hounds in the way. Whatever. A fall is a fall is a fall. And we are merciless.

1= Bog-Snorkellers School Trip

Stag Park: Agent Trauma Nurse was agog (and, trust me, that's saying something): ‘Three in a bog. No, this is not the title of an Enid Blyton novel. HENRY DALLAL, NEIL MEADOWS and SAM MADGE all strayed from the line and ended up sinking up to their horses’ shoulders in a bog. Immediate concern soon turned to hilarity as they attempted to extract themselves. It wasn't funny and we didn't laugh. (Actually it was. And we did). In the words of AgentOldTimer (codename: “Langdon”) ‘If you had to name three people you just KNOW would fall into a bog…’

1= Mr Charles Granlund

Littleton: Land Agent landed badly at Hextall Corner. Never for the faint-hearted

1= Katie on Max

Littleton: Max topping and tailing the season: He dumped our Joint Chairman at Pallingham, our first tumbler and on the final day, Katie, our last. There is something eminently satisfying about this, isn't there? A sort of poetry, no?

1= Ms Alice Moore

Sokenholes: Agent Pallingham reports in: “Lost it on a slippy corner…Then a palaver with loose horse and electric sheep fencing!

1= Mr Peter Button

Sokenholes: Agent Pallingham on the lookout: “Peter's horse tripped over a tree root and sent him flying out the front door - apparently his first fall in 3 years!”

1= Miss Abigail Jupp Stag Park: Agent Trauma Nurse observes: ‘Jumped the log and then inexplicably fell off. [Don't worry. It happens to the big girsl too. Inexplicably -- Ed]

1= Mr Charles Homan MFH

Stag Park: Agent TraumaNurse: ‘Master Charles executed a fine display of acrobatics, seen from behind it looked like he vaulted off whilst cantering and vaulted back on. It was quick but we saw it.’

1= Mrs Patricia Morley West Dean: Scarcely believably, Agent TraumaNurse is at a loss for words: ‘Dear Editor. Did you push Trish off? I have no other explanation for her unusual emergency dismount’

1= Miss Sacha Lawes Uppark: She's been very quite this season until now. But the kraken awakes! Her pony decided to take her through some very low branches. Pony unharmed, rider less so.

1= Miss Fiona Clinch Uppark: Agent TraumaNurse radios in... ‘Coco's friend took a nasty tumble when a pesky tree stump caused her horse to stumble. She did a circus style somersault down its neck but unfortunately she also took some glancing blows to her hat and arm [Am convinced you were more than useful on this occasion, Agent Trauma -- Ed.]

1= Miss Jo Chase Goodwood: Strictly speaking, this shouldn't count but a new change of rules came, “The Call of Nature Amendment” just in time for the tail end of the season. AgentTraumaNurse's account is indelicate, but we must face the bare facts: ‘Jo had clearly enjoyed the hospitality at the Goodwood meet, so much so that not long after we departed the meet the Call of Nature called. Jo carefully hid behind a few trees; we did try and get her attention to tell her that she was in full view of us but she couldn't hear. She assumed the position and then slowly, like a tree being felled, she face-planted in the leaves. It's a good job she had a hard hat on ‘cos she didn't manage to get her hands out. It would have been really funny if...Nah, it was just absolutely hilarious’

2= Mr Simon Cross

Stag Park: ‘The giveaway was mud and a jaunty bit of grass on his hat’, says eagle-eyed Agent TraumaNurse

1= Mr Simon Cross and Mr Martin Smythe Goodwood: Welcome back to an old timer and welcome to a newcomer. Agent TraumaNurse takes her duties seriously, despite the biting cold and a blow-out on the way home [North Korean style sabotage? -- Ed]. “Martin Smythe and Simon Cross both had issues at the rails on top of the hill, one lost his martingale after hitting the top rail and disappearing out the side door, the other, his horse when they went separate ways after a refusal" It's a learning curve. Well, it's certainly a curve.

1= Mr Alfie Allingham Goodwood: Took some time for this to come to light, but we always find out. always

1= Ms Hayley Sirett Charlton Forest: Agent TraumaNurse and MiniTrauma on the lookout: “Hayley Sirett fell, very daintily, when her horse slipped. ‘Mummy, I just heard her squeal’ said MiniT, ‘then Bedhead gave her a leg-up back on.’ [Oh he did, did he? Fancy -- Ed]

1= Master Jack and Miss Daisy Dace Coombelands: AgentCrouch-ing Tiger reports in (with customary exclamation marks) ‘Jack and Daisy Dace fell off at that ditch, now formally known as “Dace’s Ditch”!!!!!’

1= Mrs Zoe Edge Verdley: ‘The Edges are on a mission to dominate tumblers this year, ‘ says Agent TraumaNurse, ‘Zoe was ridden of by little Mack on a narrow downhill path in Verdley. Her horse tried to avoid a collision, but slipped leaving Zoe "on her back like a beetle" according to Saskia who witnessed the incident.’ [Entomologically poetic -- Ed.]

1= Master Rufus Uloth Coombelands: Do as Master Paul says -- not what he does! BY the way, hedges are for going over togther with your horse.

1= Miss Rachel Gerret Boxing Day: Dunno what happened. Horse said ‘Gerr-off’?

1= Mr David Hayes Pallingham: Magisterial, trademark, eminently photographable fall over a hedge. Like something out of a film ['Another Fine Mess' (1930)? -- Ed].

1= Mr Richard Hextall Pallingham: Hunting's first family are ususally spread around this list like an outbreak of nits, but surprisngly Richrad's tumble ppaears to be the first this season. Leaving it late to mount a challenge but… [‘Nit’. Such a good word -- Ed].

1= Miss Isis Kemp-Welch Pallingham: No idea how this happened to such a dainty and personable rider, but it did. Tough.

1= Zoe and Alice from Lauren's yard Pallingham: No idea how these two stalwarts managed it, but they did. We'll spare their blushes by lumping them together.

1= The Misses Davis Coombelands: Similarly, one you just hear about but we gather two ponies inextricably linked. One jumped over the other. Who knows. We’ll split the difference. Fetch the piggybank, girls…

1= Mrs Clare Evans Coombelands: We rarely see her, but when we do, her presence becomes known with no shortage of talking points. Like a new gate…

1= Mr Mark Rees Tanners: Two conflicting accounts, one more fantastical than the other. ‘A dragon, but disguised in the mud, grabbed Toms hind legs and tried to pull them down, alas not successful and Mark 'dismounted' to save his noble steed’[Naturally, this ithas not come from his wife who fears starvation if ever he finds out, as she does notI don't cook. -- Ed] ‘We were in Bexley when his lovely grey started to sit down. Apparently, it liked standing in deep mud so got "down and dirty", depositing Mark in the process.’ It's difficult to know. You decide.

1= Mr Julian Edge MFH Mockbeggars: Some cockananny story about a gate. Whatever. (See above).

1= Miss Maria Simpson Fitzhall: Agent CrouchingTigress tells us: “Tiny ditch, large dressage horse. It was like the horse was dangling out of the tree it jumped so high, Maria just bounced off!!!!!”

1= Master Archie Gray Fitzhall: Very elegant fall over the trip-wire we put up especially for this purpose. Thanks Archie!

1= Mr Philip Breitschadel Fitzhall: Crazy name! Crazy guy! Crazy fall!

1= Miss Coco Allingham Hill Ash Farm: Moral of the Day (1): When new modes of social interaction meet the old ways, the old ways always win out. So, never try to take what we believe is called a “selfie" at a slow trot. Or indeed ever.

1= Mr Graham Lawes Hill Ash Farm: Moral of the Day (2) No-one is immune, no matter how seasoned a hunter from the ‘Spook of Doom’

1= Ms Sarah Dixon Cowdray House: Two expert views. Agent TraumaNurse is customarily pithy: “I think it was at the water meadows, her horse misjudged the ditch and they ended up in a crumpled heap on the grass.” AgentSloweWorm goes in-depth: “She saw the ditch, horse didn't and she came a right cropper and landed firmly on her head. Captain Walker (retd.) dismounted to render Pony Club-trained first-aid but Agent TraumaNurse said ‘No blood, she's fine’ and Sarah got back on. Personally I don't think she looked quite right [How can you tell? -- Ed].

1= Mr Canice Hogan Opening Meet: Very late in the day, but we always find out. WE ALWAYS FIND OUT. Like Interflora, we have people everywhere…

1= Ms Katharine Burgdorf Cowdray House: There are always full points and reduction in fee for an admission. Ms Burgdorf writes: “Now,we can look at this two ways: After a RATHER stressful morning I drank three glasses of port at the meet and fell off at the first fence. Or about fifty metres after the first fence (but had a WONDERFUL time). Or, and I think this is a more accurate description of what happened: I found myself riding behind two visiting Masters whose horses refused the first fence and, panicking about the required etiquette of that situation, I thought I'd best jump somewhat INFORMALLY, clutch a bit at the reins and then slither to the ground in order to preserve their dignity. Job done. Taking one for the team etc etc. What a tit.” [Typically charming, but I'll be the judge, thank you -- Ed]

1= Miss Victoria Gray Cowdray House: Agent TraumaNurse: “Why behave like a hunter when you can pretend you're a Lipizzaner and ping your rider right out of the saddle and into a grassy hillock?” [Why indeed -- Ed]

1= Mrs Jo Cleveley Tanners: Outrageously elegant forced dismount at her own meet. Sadly, rules are rules and this means double bubble to say the least. [see Clause 7 sub-section (b): “Own meet, falling of at: completely shaming, must never happen = 2 x designated fine or more if within two miles of the Kennels]

Cowdray House: Agent SloweWorm: “A surprise first tumbler of the day. New-ish horse found himself in a sprightly green field and proceeded to hurl himself about in a commensuratley sprightly fashion. Jo gracefully and acrobatically flew off and remounted most impressively without assistance.” [And at her age -- Ed].

1= Miss Saskia Rogerson Cowdray House: Agent TraumaNurse (her mother): “To be honest I'm still laughing. Schoolboy error, pair jump tiger trap, pony turns, child doesn't and ends up in heap with mother looking on and laughing…"

1= Miss India Myers Whithurst Park: Sorry to be a supergrass [No need to apologise Agent SloweWorm -- Ed] but India Myers got involved with a tiger trap not in a good way. Her mother told her afterwards that's why it's called a tiger trap (how to give small children nightmares as recommended by Good Parenting magazine)

1= Mr Anthony Lorenz Opening Meet: Our legendary meet host falls off at the first rail after second drinks. AFTER SECOND DRINKS. [Yes, I think you've made your point -- Ed]

1= Miss Beth Crosbie Opening Meet: Somehow John Gough gets away with it AGAIN! Beth on his chestnut Tate jumped the second hedge with abandon -- and successfully. Well, until she came off, that is. [A gentleman would, of course, pay the fine -- Protocol Ed]

1= Miss Hazel Ray Rowner: Very nasty rear, spin and turn in the air, but delivered shortly afterwards into the Riddy Landrover. She is now recovering.

1= Mrs Clare Kemp-Welch Rowner: Getting that first one over with kwikly. Klare komes a kropper at newly khristened ‘Krazy Kemp-Welsh Korner'. Gets back on. She no kwitter!

1= Miss Bella Cawley Pallingham: Agent TraumaNurse confides, quietly, in case we're being followed: “she popped a tiger trap and pinged off. Oops! No crouching tigers were harmed in this incident” [Nice to end on a positive note, agent TN - Ed]

1= Messrs Jack and Archie Cosgrove Pallingham: It's nice when brothers stick together. [Yeah. Like Ronnie and Reggie Kray - Ed]

1= Mr Simon Luck Lordings: Simon Ill-luck.

1= Mr Robin Muir MFH Charlton Forest: This did not happen. Do you understand? This did not happen because no-one falls off in Charlton Forest.

1= Miss Martha Rogerson Hoyle X-Roads: “I didn't realise it was possible to fall off at halt on flat ground, but Martha decided to have a lie down on her pony, her sister grabbed her leg, pony turned, Martha plopped off. There was a small squeal, and lots of laughter, mainly from me.” [Thank you Agent TraumaNurse. Try to keep it professional].

1= Miss Lucy Aspell Pallingham: Tremendous leap over a hedge but plop off the other side. It happens. Mostly to grown-ups and mostly without such style.