Tumblers League Table

Falls Tumbler Where & How
6 Miss Daisy Edge Stubbs Farm What a day of action it was! AgentSloweWorm: “Little Daisy, who survived a pony cat leap (too many animals?) over a log in Minepits, came to grief shortly after landing. Luckily Captain P. Walker (Rtd.) was on hand with half a kit-kat (he ate the other half himself) [Actually, he took two from the meet - Ed] and Mrs J. Edge provided a cola-flavoured Moam. Daisy made an unspeakably horrid sandwich of the two which meant she couldn’t unlock her jaw for about 10 minutes.” [There's a blessing - Ed]

The Kennels, Petworth AgentOneOfTwoBirds reports: “This little lady had two tumbles today - in her own words (more or less) - "the first time wasn't weally anybodys fault 'cos Diamond jumped the ditch with water in and Mummy splashed through (Mummy is mounted Diamond on lead rein) but the second time was sort of Mummy's fault 'cos I told her I'd lost my stirrup and she didn't listen and then I lost the other one and then I lost my balance!" Muddy but undaunted young Daisy continued for the rest of the day!

Hammerwood House of Horror AgentTraumaUnit reports: “Twice in a day. Saskia describes the first as, we were cantering along and Daisy's stirrup thingy came off, she bumped against Julian and shot out the side door. The second was, just as we returned to the boxes, Diamond decided to shake and shook poor little Daisy off. Mrs Edge had gone partying leaving Jules in charge of the girls.” [Wanton hussy! - Ed]

Cowdray Water Meadows It was only a matter of time. Agent TraumaCorner tells us, pithily, “Pony went from standstill to trot in the water meadows. Daisy went from on to off.” [What a pithy! - Ed]

4 Miss Nicola Lyon-Maris

Uppark Those countless decades of Clarins beauty product application obliterated in one second. Down a smelly badger sett.

The Kennels, Goodwood No good deed goes unpunished (part 64). Helping to open a gate to help find a loose horse led to unexpected slippage. Completely useless in the search for the missing horse, it must be said. Completely and utterly useless

Hoyle Farm Agent SloweWorm's description is alluring: “I can’t quite picture it but it involved going so slowly up a very steep bank that Seamus’s short fat legs slid backwards and her stirrup leather slipped out of the holder and off onto the ground so she stepped off sideways onto the side of the bank, retrieved the stirrup leather and got back on again (I’m sure there was a lot more palaver involved but that’s the gist of it)”

Opening Meet Agent SloweWorm makes a good point: “In my book if a horse sinks to its knees for no apparent reason resulting in a forced dismount by its rider, THAT COUNTS…." Who are we to disagree?

3 Ms Amy Rule

Arundel Agent TraumaNurse writes: “Amy Rule, photo evidence of her fall at Arundel but it also turns out that there were 2 more unreported falls at Pallingham on Christmas eve...All of them at uprights...All of them on an Edge horse. Are we onto something??Are the Edges so competitive even the groom has to fall off?”

2= Mr Graham Lawes

Uppark Hey Graham, Cirque de Soleil are on the phone asking if you want to be part of their high-wire-balancing-over-a-jump act. Shall I just say no?

Holland Wood Always satisfying to break in a new horse away from the glare of the public eye. But we see you, we see you …

2= Miss Jo Burdett

Uppark Downside: Nasty hole in the ground. Upside: Free nose-job. Bosh!

Opening Meet Well, it had to happen sooner rather than later. And it did. Sooner rather than later. The circumstances are murky. [They always are, they always are - Ed]

2= Mr Simon Stilwell Barlavington Most tend to build up to two falls. Some like to get them out of the way. In his own words: “We went over the first tiger trap. Turned right down the hill. Half way down the hill I managed to slide off with some style. Got back on and then 30 yards later fell off. Bizarre, comedy gold, embarrassing." In Agent TruamaNurse's words: “Twice, who does that? I mean…."

2= AgentTraumaNurse Barlavington ... who indeed? “In my defence I've not fallen off twice in a season never mind in 2 hours..I'm blaming it on the whisky, the delightful meet host assured me that whisky would make me frisky!! [Henry said that?? - Ed] It didn't, it just made me fall off twice. In the mud.”

2= Mr Robin Muir MFH Barlavington Again. Nothing. To. See. Here.

Holland Wood Absolutely nothing to see here. Whastoever. In the VERY WISE words of Mrs Belinda Wilkins “I just saw your backview as you were reunited with you horse. Perhaps it was not a tumble just a necessary dismount.” Yes I think it was

2= Miss Henrietta Smythe Pallingham AgentSloweWorm comes over all alliterative: “Hen having hedge-hopped, was hurled head over heels and had to hare hastily across the heath towards her horse.” Nice

Fitzhall ‘Poor Henrietta,' says the benevolent Mrs Belinda Wilkins, ‘Perfect ditch take-off. Imperfect landing’. ‘I must indeed confess to crimes of Sunday’s tumble', says young Henrietta, ‘I thought I might have gotten away with it…! [And you really thought that? Sweeeet!' - Ed]

2= Mr Neil Meadows Elsted Inn A spook at a tree, we think. Rather intriguingly this tumble was captured on moving film. It's good!

Madam’s Farm Full marks for being last subscriber out on a freezing day. Fewer marks for slipping over as a result

2= Mr Tony Lorenz Stubbs Farm No good deed goes unpusnished (part 65) “Anthony was pole-vaulting over barbed wire without a pole, v. skilful'" reports AgentAngeloftheNorth, “All so that Sarah did not scratch her face in branches. LOL. You really couldn’t write this stuff!" [Well, we try - Ed] AgentTraumaUnit adds, “Belinda managed to help him out. I'm hoping she does a drawing later. The most amazing thing was that this happened at walk! Once I realised he was alright I did allow myself a little chuckle (actually hung onto Bob's neck crying with laughter)” Even Agent SloweWorm has something to say: “As Tony persuaded his burly cob to edge past Sarah (remember they were on a path barely wide enough for a llama, let alone two horses), the flighty mare took offence at Tony’s presence [We must say nothing -- Ed] and bounced sideways into the burly cob and Tony flew ungracefully over the barbed wire fence, and down the brambly bank on the other side. There was much squeaking and a lengthy pause while Tony retrieved two of this coat buttons and somehow was squeezed back through the fence (vaulting back over it not being an option). Sarah actually admitted some element of liability but with the caveat that Tony was an idiot” [No! Sarah Salter said that! I don’t believe it!- Ed]

Sutton No idea what happend to our cuddlesome cigar-chomping property tycoon today, but the lap-dancing clubs of Mayfair momentarily dimmed their lights

2 Mr Richard Milne Fitzhall On admittedly difficult terrain and a fast day, hosrse slipped and he fell off nearside shoulder. It could happen to anyone. [But it didn’t. It happened to him - Ed]

Opening Meet New subscriber, new opportunities! Ex-cavalry [Are you sure? — Ed]. Did not disappoint over the hedges. Flamboyance rating: 9 (Hunt coat ripped apart). Man of Iron credentials: 10 (Straight back on tho’ no idea where he was).

2= Ms Harriet Anstruther The Spread Eagle AgentAngelOfTheNorth: “Slight tumble LOL. Vinnie found rolling in the sand more interesting than hunting tee hee hee!” [Tee, hee, hee, indeeeeed! - Ed]

Holland Wood With regret, being the scion of a hunting and landowning dynasty offers no protection from the inevitable …

1= Mrs Shirley Reed

Stopham >Hushed tones< This hasn't happened since the 1970s, possibly earlier

1= Mrs Hayley Sirett Mockbeggars “Technically, I was on the ground!”. Yes, love, you were indeed.

1= Miss Martha Rogerson Molecombe Agent TraumaNurse (unusually a week after the fact) “Some random child got jumped right out of the plate over an upright fairly early on. I was too far away to identify the culprit who fell off a nice grey pony…."
1= Mr Richard Stubbs Elsted Inn “Washing down their ponies,'says Master Charles grassing up fellow money-man, “Zoe managed to trip Richard Stubbs into a puddle with the hose…” It counts.

1= Mr Jeremy Instone Charlton New horse! Much-loved former Master! Same old!

1= Mr John Gough Pallingham “Heyyyy! My new horse can jump a five-bar gate!” [But not with you on it - Ed]

1= Miss Octavia Pollock Stubbs Farm Agent SloweWorm “Octavia Pollock ( rashly) heeded one of Master Charles’ “follow me” exhortations as he flew over a sort of brackeny bush thing into a field and found herself flying through the air as well, but not unfortunately accompanied by her horse…”

1= Mr Philip Breitschadel Fitzhall Mr Philip Not-Very-Breitschadel

1= Mr Tristan Goodall Fitzhall Much loved and jovial new Hunt Secretary joins an exclusive club. In his own words and really quite dramatic.”The ground that me and Duncan jumped on to over one of the big ditches gave way and we both ended in the ditch and I slid off his bottom ending up on my feet in the water. Good job my boots are water proof” [You‘re fired - Ed]

1= Mr Robin Muir MFH Holland Wood Absolutely nothing to see here. Whastoever. In the VERY WISE words of Mrs Belinda Wilkins “I just saw your backview as you were reunited with you horse. Perhaps it was not a tumble just a necessary dismount.” Yes I think it was

1= Kim, Tony Lorenz's girlfriend’s mother (we think…) The Kennels, Petworth Apologies for the lengthy designation, Kim, but we dont know your name. We don’t need to for these purposes. In fact, it might be better to remain anonymous. Belinda Wilkins tells us “Outstanding quick thinking by young member of the field Martha (12). She grabbed the cob's rein and hung on....Brilliant. Then continued to hold until rider Kim arrived and got back into the saddle with the tell-tale pasting of mud all over her back and hat…[Excellent news all round -- Ed]

1= Mr Fred Austin Goodwood Very charmingly the soft-spoken Fred admitted to a shortcoming today. And we often look with benevolence on a new comer quick to confess all. But not today.

1= Miss Charlotte Homan Hammerwood A slight disagreement with a Forestry Commission gate. The thing is not being a sentient creature, but fixed and immobile, the gate will always win [Except it's not fixed and immobile any longer, is it?]

1= Mr Edward Roberts Madams Farm Retrieval of mobile telephone led to a toppling out the side at a standstill. Words you thought you'd never see in the same sentence: ‘Ed Roberts’ and ‘at a standstill’

1= Mr Julian Edge M.F.H. Charton Forest Because Mr Edge is a Master, this did not happen. Whatever it was.

1= Mrs Nadine Crouch Hoyle Farm AgentTraumaCorner in fine descriptive mode: “We left a bit early with half the field and halfway down the perilous track down from the forest I heard a squeal from Hon Sec Nadine Crouch. It seems that Expresso had decided to roll in the leaf litter and no amount of kicking was going to deter him. The result was Mrs Crouch being deposited on her butt in the leaf litter. No-one was injured physically but I'm fairly sure Nadine is going to be haunted by this for the rest of the season…”

1= Ms Rachel Stanley Stones AgentAngelOfTheNorth: “Groom to the Master of the Day also fell off, second jump, in fact, about 10 mins after leaving the meet. In fact, if that…”

1= Miss Charlotte Homan Hammerwood House of Horror In her own words: “I didn't fall off over the gate, I fell off one stride after…" [Which is shorthand for “I fell off over the gate” - Ed]

1= Mr Sid Hayes Stones There was no product by Bumble and Bumble or Vidal Sassoon that could keepthos top crimper in the saddle today [You mean, not even Paul Mitchell Firm Style Super Clean Sculpting Gel?”- Ed]

1= Mr John Langdon Cowdray Water Meadows Tumblers has never been respectful of anyone, young or old, no matter how glittering their career. A stumble brought our doughty pre-War fieldmaster into the water meadows of Malham. In the end not wasted journey downwards, as the water meadows had not hard any of his hunting stories before. ‘Well, water meadows, in the old days, you see, we would …[ etc]

1= Mrs Deborah Boulton Cowdray Water Meadows From Agent MiniTraumaNurse: “Deborah fell off nearly into a ditch. She didn't get wet though because she was wearing her new armband” [You have learnt well, my child - Ed]

1= Mr Canice Hogan The Stag Inn Word reaches us that this subscriber ‘attempted to scratch his knee whilst trotting at Flexham’. Unwise. Never scratch your knee while trotting at Flexham.

1= Mr David Hayes Bat & Ball A long time since this firm favourite’s last appearance here. So we can be sure it was something spectacular! Oh, it wasn’t. Came off at a trot in a muddy field. However, as he confessed willingly, we will be kind and say no more. We won’t go on about clumsiness or gauchness. Just one of those things; honestly, could happen to anyone ... [But it didn’t, it happened to him - Ed]

1= Ms Henrietta Patterson Opening Meet Out of the saddle and into the record books. Off after 40 secs, possibly less. A great moment. A side-saddle supremo, Henrietta was astride today [But not for very long - Ed]

1= Miss Grace Bolton Opening Meet Plucky youngster = unlucky youngster. Nevertheless, one to watch. Could give the junior Edges a run for their money this season.

1= Miss Sophie Lawes Petsells Keeping it in the family. A far more elegant dismount than her father (see below). It's never easy for our amateur whips but her charming, if convulted, self-justification disarmed us enough to be magnanimous.

1= Mr Paul Lyon-Maris Malham Farm You a horse. You are from Leicestershire. You have no idea what a gate is. So whatever this metal thing is, you'll just jump it, won’t you? Yes you will. And you did. From a standstill.

1= Miss Scarlett Edge Petsells The on-going bankruptcy of the Edge family continues. If I bury it down here no-one will surely notice

1= Grace from the Harry Dzenis Yard Pallingham Manor Farm Interesting. It refused to move. It reared. It refused to move again. And was all sweetness and light thereafter. Between the inertia it deposited its rider, which is always nice for us